I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
