so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
