Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
