Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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