allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
