I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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