....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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