this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
