peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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