I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
