i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
