just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
