just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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