Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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