Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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