I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
