1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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