guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
