After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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