You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
