I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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