You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
