I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
