yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
last night I used snow as a chaser
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
