Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
