I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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