I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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