:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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