So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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