May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
