i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
