Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
