Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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