this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
