we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
