i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
