It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my liver is dry heaving
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
