I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
