How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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