you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
as a side note pls kill me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
