spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
