Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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