Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
True strength comes from lack of pants
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