my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
