Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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