party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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