Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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