my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
