ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We are two peas in an std pod
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
