hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
