You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My vagina just recognized that song.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
