Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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