i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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