It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
