Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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