i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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