i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
