new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
