No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
