I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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