For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
